MOURNING CUSTOMS

SHIVA:

Shiva, the Hebrew word for seven, refers to the first seven days of mourning including the day of the funeral. Mourning customs are not observed on the Sabbath or religious holidays. When the funeral takes place prior to a Jewish holiday and the mourners have observed Shiva for at least one hour before the holiday begins, then the period of Shiva ends with the advent of the holiday at sunset. When the funeral occurs during the holiday period, Shiva begins on the night the holiday ends.

The Shiva candle is kept burning in the Shiva house during the entire seven days. A child under thirteen years of age is not obligated to observe the mourning rituals. It is customary for mourners to remain at home, sitting on a low seat, wearing slippers rather than leather shoes, and refraining from transacting any business. The custom of covering mirrors in the Shiva house has been interpreted as a symbol of avoiding excessive self concern.

Shiva Etiquette:

• Time your visit to the Shiva house appropriately. Your presence and participation is appreciated during shiva services, but always remain
  mindful of the family's need for private time, i.e. meals.
• You may enter the Shiva house without knocking; it is customary for the mourners not to greet friends at the door.
• There are no words to take away grief, it is best to simply listen. Your presence and acceptance is often more important than mere words. However, sharing memories and stories may help bring comfort to the family.

SHELOSHIM (First thirty days)

The secondary period of mourning is called Sheloshim, which includes the first thirty days after the funeral. A torn garment or ribbon is worn by the mourners during the Sheloshim period, except on the Sabbath and during Jewish holidays. Mourners resume normal social and professional duties but are still restricted in certain ways. During the period of Sheloshim, mourners should not participate in any festivity or amusement. If the deceased is a parent, this period may extend longer, please consult your Rabbi.

UNVEILING CEREMONY

The unveiling is the formal dedication of the headstone. It is customary for the unveiling to take place twelve months after the funeral as a way to mark the end of the formal mourning period. However, the unveiling may take place any time after thirty days.

Jewish law requires that a grave be marked, but the type of marking and the headstone are not specified. Please contact your Rabbi, cemetery and monument company in advance to arrange for a proper unveiling.

YAHRZEIT

The Yahrzeit commemorates the anniversary of the date of death and is observed annually. The Yahrzeit commences on the preceding day at sunset and is concluded on the anniversary day of death at sunset. During this time, Kaddish is recited in the Synagogue during services.