Creating a Purposeful Virtual Service Experience
How to prepare for a Virtual Funeral,
Memorial Service or Zoom Shiva
It is an unavoidable fact that we now live in a video conference world, and it is often a world of casual clothing, or professional tops and sweatpants bottoms. So how do we attend a virtual funeral or virtual shiva in a meaningful way? What decisions can we make to create an experience that is different from the everyday, and honors our need to grieve for someone? We have a few thoughts for making the virtual experience a little more tangible.
Place
Intentionally set yourself up in an area that is specific to this experience. If possible, avoid your typical work setting, or an overly-casual place (i.e., your bed). Maybe you move a chair so you can look out a window at nature, or sit at a table at a different seat than you normally would sit at for a meal.
Dress
Take some time to pick out an outfit you feel honors the memory of the person or creates the right mental space for the service, either because it is a little more formal or because it reminds you of them. You could choose to wear something that reflects one of their passions, a favorite color, something in the style of what they typically wore (a scarf, hat, bowtie, suspenders, brooch, fancy earrings, etc.), or something they gave you.
And, unlike for other online gatherings, consider foregoing the leggings or sweatpants in favor of a full outfit. Putting on shoes that match can make it feel different than a regular day in the house.
Before the service
If you are attending a virtual shiva and may have the opportunity to share a few words, take a few moments to write a sentence or two about what the person meant to you, or a favorite memory you have of them. That will allow you to share it without fumbling for words, and also gives you a chance to see if you need to edit your remarks to make them more concise.
Try to stop whatever you are doing prior to the service and spend a few minutes getting settled in your “spot.” Log in a little early, and maybe spend some time thinking about the person before the service begins.
After the service
Don’t go straight back to work or checking Facebook. Find something to do that takes at least a few minutes to honor the person. Some options:
- Sit quietly for a few minutes, taking the time to think about the person and what was said about them.
- Call a mutual friend and spend some time talking to them about the person or the service.
- Go to the person’s page on the Levinson’s website to leave the family a message about how meaningful the service was, or share a memory that you didn’t want to share during the shiva service. While the public can’t see your email address when you enter it into the memorial book form, the family will receive it when we send them the condolence messages a few weeks after the service.
- Take some time to consciously return your furniture to its original location if you rearranged it.
- Set some reminders in your calendar over the next few weeks to touch base with the family.
- Consider making a contribution in their memory.
- Get up and take a walk outside, even if it is only just long enough to take a few deep breaths and walk back into your house.
At Levinson’s, we are constantly working on using technology to enhance a service experience for the family and those who can’t attend, but in an unobtrusive way. COVID has certainly pushed that effort along a little faster, and we are proud of all the ways that family and friends can engage in honoring someone’s life. If you have any questions about the services we provide or how we can accommodate your family’s needs, please
contact us and we are happy to help.
