A few months ago, as COVID-19 suddenly took hold of our daily lives, I stood at a graveside funeral with two other people: the son of the deceased and the Rabbi charged with offering the final rites and rituals associated with our traditional burial customs. In the hand of the grieving son was a cell phone, used to live stream the ceremony. The Rabbi spoke about all of the friendships the deceased woman had made throughout her life and still maintained, and of the beautiful family that she raised. All of the people on the other end of the line watching and listening were those who the Rabbi spoke of as loving this woman as she had loved them. This man’s family and friends would have been proud to support him and help him to grieve, had it been possible.
Watching this man sit before me, I wondered, what will he do after the funeral? Where will he go? Will he be left to grieve alone? The answer was, most likely, yes. There was no shiva house for him to return to. COVID-19 has forced us to forgo many of the honored traditions that are meant to help us work through our grief. Our tradition like attending a funeral, helping bury a loved one, and visiting a shiva house - meant to encourage community gathering and to help support families during times of loss - serve very practical roles in the bereavement process. However, now that we are unable to congregate in support of one another, we must be creative in how support is provided. Luckily, there are ways to work around our current limitations.
Our mental health is paramount to our well being and becomes even more so as we are isolated from our family and friends during difficult times. Therefore, whether you are grieving or not, take time for your mind and body to heal and reinvigorate. Things like meditation, using relaxation techniques, physical exercise, reading, and enjoying a good movie are all things that can help us improve our mental well being. Make sure to take the time to engage in one or more of these activities at least once a day.
Taking care of our mental health is important at all times, but what can we do to create some normalcy and maintain tradition now? The use of technology in our everyday lives has become ever more prominent now that we face isolation and quarantines and it can help us continue many of our important, time honored, customs. Although it may fall short of physically sitting with and comforting the bereaved family at a shiva house, a virtual shiva has proven to be a significant support mechanism for families. Families can set up for multiple days of Shiva, have scheduled minyans, and set times for people to “pop-in” to visit, as would happen during a traditional shiva house. Levinson’s can help connect you with the right technology to use.
Additionally, video conferencing has been used successfully for bereavement support groups. Donna Kane, M.A., Grief Clinician at Jewish Community Services, and bereavement group facilitator, says that initially she was concerned that an online bereavement group would not have the same effect and impact that an in-person group usually does. However, as she has held online groups over the last several months through the pandemic, she has found that through video conferencing “people are willing to say things they wouldn’t otherwise say in person.” Sol Levinson & Bros. sponsors several online groups throughout the year facilitated by Jewish Community Services and The Jewish Federation of Howard County.
Creative ways to utilize technology that may bring us closer and help us connect carry greater and greater importance as the pandemic stretches on. One creative way to memorialize a loved one is to create a Virtual Memory Book, a blog, or a webpage about the person who passed away. This creative approach may include pictures, stories, a family tree, and a biography of the individual. Sol Levinson & Bros.’ website provides an excellent platform for friends and family to add pictures, stories, and messages.
Aside from using current technology to help the grieving process, we can still navigate through grief and honor our loved ones in some tangible ways. For example, we can plant a tree in their honor, especially if the person loved spending time outdoors. Prepare a meal that you and your loved one enjoyed together or was a favorite of theirs, which can be both enjoyable and therapeutic. Finally, seek spiritual support, if one is so inclined. This can be immensely important when grieving, but especially when grief is compounded by isolation.
Now, after several months of quarantine and social distancing, we have adapted tools and come up with innovative solutions so that we can help guide families through the process of memorializing their loved one.Technology has allowed families to find different ways to be supported by their community. By engaging in positive mental health exercises, utilizing technology as a bridge to reach our support network, and engaging in therapeutic activities to remember our loved ones, we can help work through grief in a healthy way even during such difficult and trying times.
Please see the following links for articles about this subject:
Psychology Today: How to Cope with Bereavement During the COVID-19 Pandemic
New York Presbyterian Hospital: https://healthmatters.nyp.org/how-to-cope-with-grief-amid-covid-19/
Grief recovery method: tips & suggestions for recovering from grief or even just staying mentally healthy during lockdown and quarantine
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