How do I support my surviving children while I am devastated?

You do not have to hide your tears. Tell them that you are safe and that they will continue to be cared for. Ask extended family or close friends to help maintain familiar routines during the hardest days.

How do I eventually return to work or 'normal' life?

Life may not feel the way it did before. Over time, you may build new routines while continuing to carry your love and grief. When returning to work, tell a trusted manager what would help and give yourself permission to step away when you need to.

My partner won't talk about our child. What do I do?

Different grieving styles are common. Your partner may be trying to process the pain silently or protect you from their own sorrow. Acknowledge that you are both grieving, and consider finding a support group where you can express your feelings without pressure.

How do I answer 'How many children do you have?'

There is no right answer. You can say the total number including the child who died, or you can say the number of living children if you do not have the energy to explain. Choose the answer that protects your heart in that specific moment.

Grief Support

Child Loss

Care for parents and families after a child's death

Back to grief support

The death of a child—at any age—changes a family forever. Daily life, relationships, plans, and your sense of who you are may all feel different.

There are no simple words for this. The love you have for your child continues, and your grief may take many forms over time.

What You May Be Feeling

A child's death can affect every part of a parent's life.

The physical ache: The yearning for your child can manifest as a literal, physical pain in your chest or arms.
Partnership strain: You and your partner have suffered the exact same loss, but you will likely grieve it completely differently. This disconnect can feel incredibly isolating.
Alienation: You may feel entirely separated from the rest of the world, unable to relate to parents of living children or participate in conversations that now feel trivial.

Things That May Help

The earliest days are simply about survival. Focus only on the present moment.

Protect your boundaries fiercely: You are allowed to say no to events, holidays, and people. Protect your energy for basic survival and for your family.
Accept practical help: When people ask what they can do, give them specific, concrete tasks: "Please mow the lawn," or "Please pick up groceries."
Find your people: Seek out support groups specifically for bereaved parents. Being in a room where you do not have to explain your pain is essential.
Say their name: Talk about your child. Invite trusted friends and family to share their memories and let them know that hearing your child's name brings you comfort.
Create a quiet retreat: Designate a space in your home where you can go to simply be alone and sit with your thoughts without interruption.

Questions Families Often Ask

Books & Guides for Families

These selections offer clear language, thoughtful activities, and practical ways to support yourself or someone you love.

Dougy Center Bookstore

Resources for people who are grieving

Books, journals, and family materials selected by the Dougy Center for people who are grieving and those supporting them.

View at Dougy Center

Dougy Center Bookstore

After a Death: An Activity Book for Children

A gentle activity book for surviving siblings and other children close to the person who died.

View at Dougy Center

JCS Mitchell David Center for Hope & Healing

Talking with a child about a sibling's death

Clear language, memory activities, reassurance, and signs that a child may need more support.

Open family guide

When More Support May Help

Counseling or a bereaved-parent group may help if you feel completely alone, are experiencing trauma symptoms, or if grief is placing strain on your relationship that feels impossible to address together.

This page is informed by and adapted from resources provided by The Compassionate Friends.