How do I cope with the endless “what ifs”?

When you find yourself spiraling into "what if I had called," or "what if I had stayed," gently interrupt the thought. Remind yourself that you acted with the information you had at the time, not the information you have now.

What do I tell children about a suicide death?

Use honest, age-appropriate words without giving upsetting details. A young child might be told that the person was in so much emotional pain that they could not think of another way to stop it. Reassure children that the death was not their fault and that they can always tell a trusted adult if they feel unsafe or worried.

Will I always feel this level of guilt?

Guilt is incredibly common after a suicide loss, but it does soften over time as you are able to recognize that their death was a result of their illness or pain, not your actions or inactions.

What if people ask intrusive questions about how they died?

You have no obligation to share details. A polite but firm boundary is acceptable: "I am not comfortable discussing those details. Thank you for respecting our privacy."

Grief Support

Suicide Loss

Support after someone you love dies by suicide

Back to grief support

After someone you love dies by suicide, grief may come with shock, anger, guilt, and questions that have no simple answers.

You are not to blame. You deserve people and places where you can speak honestly and be met with care.

What You May Be Feeling

Grief after a suicide can feel especially intense and isolating.

The burden of 'Why?': You may endlessly replay the past, looking for clues or signs you feel you missed. This search for answers is a natural response to sudden trauma.
Many emotions at once: You may feel deep sadness, anger at the person who died, guilt, love, and confusion—sometimes all in the same day.
Dealing with stigma: Some people still avoid talking about suicide. Friends and family may not know what to say, which can leave you feeling judged or alone.

Things That May Help

In the early days and weeks, managing the intensity of your reactions is the primary focus.

Pace your exposure: You do not need to know or process every detail of their death immediately. Protect your heart and take in only what you can manage.
Create an explanation boundary: Decide ahead of time what you will say. "They died of depression," or simply, "They died by suicide, and we are devastated. We aren't ready to talk about the details."
Lean on grounded friends: Ask someone you trust to act as a buffer for incoming calls, messages, and visitors so you do not have to repeatedly explain what happened.
Limit social media: Step away from platforms where speculation or unhelpful comments might appear. Your peace of mind is more important than keeping others updated.
Find a specialized group: Connect with other suicide loss survivors. The understanding of those who have walked this specific path is invaluable.

Questions Families Often Ask

Books & Guides for Families

These selections offer clear language, thoughtful activities, and practical ways to support yourself or someone you love.

Dougy Center Bookstore

Children, Teens and Suicide Loss

Guidance for adults supporting children and teenagers after a family member or someone close to them dies by suicide.

View at Dougy Center

Dougy Center Bookstore

After a Suicide Death: An Activity Book for Kids

Activities, stories, and suggestions created for children grieving after a suicide death.

View at Dougy Center

JCS Mitchell David Center for Hope & Healing

Talking with a child about a death by suicide

Age-aware language, reassurance, and signs that a child or teenager may need more support.

Open family guide

When More Support May Help

Because suicide loss includes trauma, professional support is highly recommended. Please seek immediate help if you experience intrusive trauma symptoms (flashbacks), overwhelming guilt that prevents basic functioning, or any thoughts of self-harm.

Immediate Support

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available immediately. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. Levinson's resources can support you as you grieve, but they are not a substitute for emergency or professional mental-health care.

This page is informed by and adapted from resources provided by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) and the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.